Tired, Shocked, or Numb?

I am sitting alone here in the Apollo Hotel in Biloela, trying to figure out what to write. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about; in fact I have too much, since I haven’t posted in a while. There’s a collection of thoughts just sitting in my “draft posts” bin.

But I have a hard time writing. All the thoughts are a jumble in my brain. Posting to Instagram and Facebook takes no thought. Just bland pictures saying where I am. So I do that for people. But it doesn’t help with my thoughts. And feelings. I am actually trying to figure out what it is I have been feeling.

I feel depressed. Or maybe irritated. Or angry. Or puzzled. Not sure. I know I feel uneasy. I feel worn out, that’s for sure. Am I just tired from pedaling? Or is it more?

Since emerging from the outback, the rhythm of the ride has felt quite different. I’ve had a steady stream of stimuli that I’ve had trouble processing. The slaughter of the kangaroos. The field of dead wallabies (more below). The hustle and bustle of the coal country I’ve been riding through. The daily passing of cattle trucks with anguished cows peering through the slats. It’s a little too much to take. The push of “civilization” rattles my brain.

The contemplative times have faded as more time is spent in navigating and managing roads. Writing takes silent time and I feel I’ve had less of that, less time to think. I’ve tried to take in dirt roads which promised to be less hectic. But even with those attempts, I hit dead ends and fences blocking my way. Riding is not as easy.

Personally I am critical and upset at what I have seen. But I don’t want to come across as one who is critical of the Australian nation, of which I am a guest. There was much to appreciate. But the wanton damage done to the land and animals is not an Australian thing– it’s a human thing. It’s the destructive forces done in other countries as well, like the USA, China, Japan, Vietnam, and so much more. The rapacious hunger of modern global society makes us humans do such awful things.

So many images just rattle my brain. Just one example: As I came near to the town of Dingo on Highway 67, I passed by the edge of Taunton National Park. On that edge, there was more carnage of animals on the road. Only this time, the spacing between the dead bodies was every few hundred meters– images of dead body after dead body flying at you. I didn’t take any pictures because one can only take so many pictures of dead bodies. I noticed though, that all the dead kangaroos were small. A lot of dead baby kangaroos? But then, I thought, are these wallabies?

On some maps, Taunton National Park is marked as “Scientific”. The park is not there for people to enjoy. It is there for another purpose. So I did some reading. In 1973 a man from Dingo, which is nearby, found a bridled nail-tail wallaby there, a species long thought to be extinct. (Aha, it was a wallaby after all!) So the park was formed to protect that species, now found exclusively there, but was spread through many parts of Australia in days past. Yet, even with the formation of the park, there is a highway running right next to it. And, as I rode down the highway to Dingo, I passed body after dead body. So much for scientific attempts to protect. Such pictures make me nauseous.

But one can only laugh. When I stayed at the Dingo Roadhouse, there was a sign by the light switch, reminding people to turn off the light with the admonition: “Please save the earth.” This is from the town that caters to, and gets its livelihood from, the coal, timber and cattle industry.